do not metaphor me

Yesterday I was at the park with Harper (my service dog in training) working on her settling down in public, when I saw the most simple thing. A young boy walking next to his father. The two were just strolling along, side by side, until a butterfly caught the little boy’s eye. Instantly his head slid and swirled with the butterfly’s flight. Then expectantly the young boy broke from his father to chase the butterfly.

Three things ran through my mind. The first was nostalgia for a life so simple. Second, a memory of me holding a mason jar and catching fire flies with my mom in the backyard. Yes, I know, not butterflies. But pop up memories are rarely perfect images of the sight calling them up. And my last thought was, one day someone is going to break his heart and change him forever.

That’s how my brain works whenever I’m people watching. Whether it is a couple talking casually at a restaurant table. A mother comforting her kid at a doctor’s office. Or someone sitting and people watching me. Frist my mind reaches for the past. Then my brain pulls up a random memory. Happiness settles over me. Then Bam! Doom and gloom.

My negative thoughts and feelings don’t take root. Thankfully they are only in passing. But they are negative thoughts are there nonetheless. And just another subtle reminder that my brain works just a little bit different.